Tag: effective communication

The Secret of Interpersonal Communication

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Becoming an effective communicatorEffective Communication

I am sure that you have already attended a communications training of some sort in your life; be it to improve your communication skills, your team collaboration or to learn particular tools and methods that were supposed to enable you to become a better, more effective communicator.

As I wrote in an earlier post, communications is much more than its mere verbal aspect let alone a set of tools and measures:

Following a study of Albert Mehrabian, an American Psychologist, who looked into which aspects of communications are relevant to the actual understanding of information thus to effectively communicating:

  • The verbal aspect only accounts for 7 % (hence the content of what you are saying)
  • 38 % come from the paraverbal aspect of communication (intonation, cadence, volume or pace ) and surely not surprising:
  • 55 % from the non-verbal aspects.

BeatenbergOver the last weekend, I have been exploring a technique called “Insight Dialogue” which was recommended to me and really is mindfulness and awareness applied to interpersonal communications. While you pause and relax, you provide yourself with the opportunity to tune into your own feelings and emotions, stepping out of the habitual trigger-response mechanism and opening up, allowing (mutual) space for response rather than reactivity. While you trust what emerges and listen deeply, you finally propose an answer or input, which is truly beneficial to your counterpart or dialogue partners. You remain integer and compassionate not being entangled in emotions or feelings and clinging to words wanting to steer the conversation your way.

What a great way of connecting with each other and having a meaningful conversation. I am now even more passionate about including these techniques into my training, coaching and consulting work. Insight Dialogue certainly offers a wonderful way towards working on Self-Awareness and Management, Social Awareness and Relationship-Management all at the Center of Emotional Intelligence thus at the heart of Mindful Leadership.

Barriers to effective communication

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Communication BarriersDid you know that communication barriers can pop-up at every stage of the communication process (consisting of sender, message, channel/media, receiver, feedback and response) and have the potential to create misunderstanding and confusion.

To be an effective communicator and to get your point across without misunderstanding and confusion, your goal should be to lessen the frequency of these barriers at each stage of this process with clear, concise, accurate, well-planned communications.

Communications is thus only successful, when the receiver understands your message exactly the way you intended it!

Here are some possible barriers to effective communications:

  • Different assumptions
  • Different points of views
  • Emotions
  • Misunderstanding of language
  • Use of difficult words
  • Lack of attention
  • Poor clarity of speech
  • Conflicting body language
  • Sending discouraging feedback
  • Cultural differences
  • Lack of trust
  • Too much information

So many things can go wrong already in the normal communication process; now imagine what happens when you find yourself in an intercultural context!

Photo credit: Ed Yourdon / Foter / CC BY-NC-SA

Mindful listening: 10 easy tips

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“Spend your leisure time in cultivating an ear attentive to discourse, for in this way you will find that you learn with ease what others have found out with difficulty.”- Isocrates on Goodreads.com.

Mindful Listening
As a new week is about to start, let me share some really simple but extremely important tips for effective, mindful listening with you:

  1. Face the speaker and maintain eye contact
  2. Be attentive, but relaxed
  3. Keep an open mind
  4. Listen to the words and try to picture what the speaker is saying
  5. Don’t interrupt and don’t impose your “solutions”
  6. Wait for the speaker to pause to ask clarifying questions
  7. Ask questions only to ensure understanding
  8. Try to feel what the speaker is feeling
  9. Give the speaker regular feedback
  10. Pay attention to what is not said, to non-verbal cues

Enjoy your week!

Jenny

Photo credit: sadmafioso / Foter / CC BY-NC

The Gift of Mindfulness

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Happy Holiday Season

Happy Holiday Season

As Christmas is approaching and instead of rushing to the shops to find a last minute gift, why not giving mindfulness to somebody you love….?

Let me share how I came to work with and practice mindfulness:

At one point in my life, when children came into the family, my personal time became suddenly very scarce as I also continued to work full-time in positions with high responsibility involving international travel and dealing with everything else alongside. Up to that point, I had been able to manage my work-life balance quite well but suddenly without me noticing it, it changed. I did not take enough time out with and for myself anymore. This led to a heavy gall bladder incident in early 2009 where I was told that I was on the edge of burnout and that I had to stop running around.

I then saw an article about mindfulness and thought that it was very much in line with what and who I am. I decided to take up the challenge and found a MBSR teacher close to where I live and with whom I wanted to take up the journey. I actually gave it a try not knowing exactly what it was.

As a matter of fact, in a couple of weeks I rediscovered myself and wondered how I could have possibly been forgetting to take care of myself all this time. I began reading many books about mindfulness and at the same time engaged a lot in intercultural communications (which in fact is my specialization) attending courses etc. I discovered that mindfulness and the qualities of being open, non-judgmental, trusting etc. were exactly the same as what we would strive for when reaching higher levels of intercultural competence. This link (being myself a senior communications professional) struck my interest as well as the link to leadership.

freeimages.co.uk christmas images

Image Source: http://www.freeimages.co.uk

It is no surprise that I then fell on literature from Daniel Goleman and others writing about emotional intelligence as well from Otto Scharmer with his theory U. I suddenly found enormous pleasure at not only reading through all the literature on neuroscience, brain, leadership and interpersonal/intercultural communications I could get, but also deepening my own practice.

I attended many silence retreats and found them extremely nourishing and also kept looking forward every day to my own home practice. I began living in the present moment and saw colours, smelled things that I had forgotten. I also began being different with my children, showing them more things and being more patient. I subsequently decided to broaden my horizon by learning mindfulness for children, attending the training with mindfulschools.org in the US as well as with Eline Snel from the AMT in the Netherlands. I am now on my way to become a certified mindfulness for children teacher and am practicing with my own children as well as conducting interventions with other children privately for now. Training the leaders of tomorrow is wonderful!

Additionally, I took a  jump into the unknown and am now working with mindfulness in the workplace (designing programmes and workshops on mindful leadership for women for instance), coaching individuals using mindfulness techniques as well as integrating the mindfulness approach into my communications work, i.e. mindful listening training with teams, responding to emails mindfully etc.

Mindfulness has become the “umbrella” under which I offer my services and my state of being… I find it deeply rewarding and fulfilling to work with people, accompanying them on their path of finding themselves again (not to say becoming human again). It is like the discovery of something that has been lost for a long time.

I am also now working more in-depth on projects aiming at bringing mindfulness to the formal school education sector here in Switzerland. The effects of what the leadership theory calls VUCA (volatile, uncertain, complex and ambiguous) can be strongly felt here too. Everything is in disruption, people are running around without liking what they do, feeling insecure and unhappy with less time every month.

I am now following my gut feeling and my inner guidance and although it is not easy, I feel that I am at the right place at the right time.

So, now you know it all!

Here’s wishing you an excellent Holiday Season and a Happy New Year!

Thanks for being on this journey with me and looking forward to interacting and maybe seeing you again next year.

Jenny

Ever wondered how to become better at presenting/speaking?

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Public Speaking

Usually public speaking and presentation workshops start by teaching you a concrete technique or style to enable you to engage your audiences followed with some practice and recordings. The objective in these kinds of workshops is essentially to show you how to put a strong message together and deliver it effectively to your audience. While these techniques certainly help, there is one other aspect that is overlooked many times: your engagement and connection with the audience actually begins before you have even spoken your first word!

But before getting to a mindful way to present and speak in another post, let me give you some theory and hints from speech and communication studies, that will help you navigate through the process of preparing what you will say (in distinction to how you will be and how you will speak/interact)

One helpful and well-used method to organise presentations for maximum impact is called Monroe’s Motivated Sequence which was developed in the 1930s by Alan Monroe, a speech professor at Purdue University (Indiana, US).

He developed a five-step process designed to persuade an audience:

1. Calling attention to a problem

As part of the introduction: get the attention of your audience! Use storytelling, humor, a shocking statistic, or a rhetorical question – anything that will get the audience to sit up and take notice.

2. Demonstrating a need

Convince your audience there’s a problem. The audience must realise that what’s happening right now isn’t good enough – and it needs to change. You want them to become uncomfortable and restless, and ready to do the “something” that you recommend.

3. Satisfying that need

Introduce your solution. How will you solve the problem that your audience is ready to address? This is the main part of your presentation. It will vary significantly, depending on your purpose.

4. Visualizing the benefits

Describe what the situation will look like if the audience does nothing. The more realistic and detailed the vision, the better it will create the desire to do what you recommend. Your goal is to motivate the audience to agree with you and adopt similar behaviors, attitudes, and beliefs. Help them see what the results could be if they act the way you want them to. Make sure your vision is believable and realistic.

5. Calling for action

Your final job is to leave your audience with specific things they can do to solve the problem. You want them to take action now. Don’t overwhelm them with too much information or too many expectations, and be sure to give them options to increase their sense of ownership of the solution. This can be as simple as inviting them to have some refreshments as you walk around and answer questions.

Stay tuned for more and if you are already on holidays somewhere while reading this post: ENJOY the present moment!

Jenny

Reality versus Perception: Our Brain at Work

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Map

Lately I came across a very nice quote referring to the differences that exist between beliefs and reality:

“The map is not the territory” from Alfred Korzybski

This quote illustrates very nicely that your reality (what you believe is true and objective, thus your ‘world’), is nothing else than an inner representation of the external realities and the world that you are observing and living in. Your perceptions create the “map of the world”. This map helps you navigate in the “real world”, through daily experiences and impressions. Like a road map it gives you landmarks for moving forward towards your destination and various codes and rules let you interpret and understand what is happening, what you can do and what you cannot.

Thus, there is “your” reality (the map) and the outside world (the territory) and there will always be differences between the two. Our human brain notices what is happening around us (in the territory) through our senses and then proceeds to filtering the received information in order to be able to use them and not to create an ‘overflow’ of stimuli.

Let me give you an example: Imagine your manager comes in and sees you sitting at your desk which is overflowing with paper and other things. He or she simply says: “You have a full desk”. Depending on your background, education, culture, previous experiences etc. you might be thinking: “Oh, he/she said that I am not organized”; or you might think something like “Oh, he/she notices that I have a lot on my plate” or anything in between. There are many different ways of interpreting what has been said and whatever you might have understood will trigger your reactions and your thoughts after that. Somebody observing the scene on the other hand, might interpret something completely different as he/she would have a very different view on the world. So, what is “real” and what not?

As you can see, there is only one situation happened: one territory. The possible representation hereof (the maps) however, i.e. how people perceive this situation can have many different facets and aspects.

Next time you find yourself in a difficult situation, you might want to think about what “really” happened (the facts) and what your interpretation, your judgment and your subjective view of the event was. You might even want to seek clarification from the person involved in the action clearly asking what was meant (if at all possible). The important thing to remember here is that you choose how you react and if at all… opening up to what really happened and what you saw, heard, felt, might help you change your behavior over time, which will in turn change the way others react upon you.

Thanks for reading! Jenny

Words are Windows or They’re Walls

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Window and Wall

I feel so sentenced by your words, I feel so judged and sent away, Before I go I’ve got to know,
Is that what you mean to say?

Before I rise to my defense, Before I speak in hurt or fear, Before I build that wall of words, Tell me, did I really hear?

Words are windows, or they’re walls, They sentence us, or set us free. When I speak and when I hear,
Let the love light shine through me.

There are things I need to say, Things that mean so much to me, If my words don’t make me clear, Will you help me to be free?

If I seemed to put you down,
If you felt I didn’t care,
Try to listen through my words, To the feelings that we share.

 

By Ruth Bebermeyer taken from Marshall Rosenberg’s book: Nonviolent Communication, 2nd Edition, page 20.

Strategy: an important ingredient to success!

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StrategyMany people I worked with or met, be it in the NGO world or in corporations, kept asking why time should be lost writing or even thinking about strategies: nobody ever reads them and sooner rather than later if not directly, they will find their way to the bin. The simple answer is that most of the people simply don’t understand what a strategy is and what it does. Not only is a strategy an ideal way to put your thoughts into a structured framework and to make them more tangible; no, it also gives you a powerful tool at hand that will help you sell your ideas and plans in a professional and successful manner. In addition, it will also enable you to measure whether you have reached your objectives and how or if you need to adjust your measures and tools.

If you don’t know where you are going, how do you know when you get there?

Let me explain this to you: imagine you are asked to drive a new product launch and all you have are highly interesting and valid but loosely tied bits and pieces of your product managers, your marketing people and your engineers. How are you going to convince your customers – let alone your internal stakeholders who are first on the list – of the added value of your product if there is no thread, no thoroughly reflected and grounded path and no story?

Or how are you going to convince external donors and stakeholders to give to your organisation/association or to become active volunteers/members if you cannot show them where you are heading and what you have achieved so far and will in the future.

Well, I think it will be difficult…

Even if every single milestone you think of while writing your strategy, will confront you inevitably with new questions, issues and problems, it will only allow you to dig deeper in order to find out the true value proposition, goal or objective that will create the ‘wow’ effect in your customer’s or stakeholder’s eyes. So yes, time consuming it is, but in the end, the outcome rewards all efforts!

Let’s take a quick look at how a strategic document could be structured (only general categories are reproduced here, in practice, many more can be added of course):

1. Current Situation/Background

2. Alignment to Global or Segment Strategy

4. General Objectives (qualitative/quantitative)

3. Specific Objectives

  • Long-term objectives (could be external or internal)
  • Short-term objectives (could be external or internal)

4. Target Markets and Audiences

5. Analysis of competition (how are they positioned, how do they communicate?); yes, this is very important for NGOs and Associations too!

6. Communication Plan (including the appropriate communication vehicles and key messages)

7. Evaluating Success

8. Tactical calendar

9. Budget

If you follow this simple guideline involving if possible your managers, peers and other important partners within your organisation in the thought process (this obviously includes summarizing and structuring what you have received from your colleagues or reaching out to them), you will have all the pre-requisites for a successful launch, thought process, road-map, introduction or campaign. Not only will you generate the buzz and buy-in you need internally to get things done, but your external appearance on the market and with your various audiences will be a true experience and hence a success.

Let me know if you need some input for streamlining your thoughts or creatively brainstorming on the way forward. Having led many initiatives (locally and internationally) and written many strategic documents and guidelines for various industries and organisations, I am sure that I will be able to help you too!

Have an excellent start in the new week, Jenny

 

The Power of Words

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WordsSpoken words are extremely powerful but many of us are not aware of this fact. Words are used to communicate but most of the time we don’t really pay attention to what we are saying and which words we choose to make our point.

As soon as we are becoming mindful of what and how we are saying things, we begin to take responsibility for our lives.

Words are not only coming out of our mouths but are also unspoken, being constructed within thoughts. If we begin to pay attention to what we are saying, we will quickly notice that many things are quite negative. We are using words like ‘should’ and ‘must’ as well as ‘but’ and many other expressions to gain control over situations that we don’t control or to justify why we did not do something or are not up to the level that others are expecting us to be.

Test it for yourself: record phone calls randomly for your own use and listen to them later. Are there any patterns that you see emerging? Anything in particular that you are noticing? It is really interesting to find out how we communicate as it reflects the way in which we think about ourselves or how we are structuring our thoughts.

Have you ever thought about how  you start your day? Are you complaining about the weather, the fact that your coffee is not ready and that you have a terrible headache?  Or are you welcoming the new day with a smile and a friendly thought? Usually, what you expect will come true and the more your thoughts and words will be negative/positive, the more your day will be negative/positive.

You could also pay close attention to how you are speaking about yourself. What kind or words are you using? How are you describing your life, your work, your relationships with other people? What belief systems have you accepted and what are you expecting? Usually, what you expect and portray will emanate from you and expectations very often become reality.

How can you start becoming more mindful about what is going on?

  1. The first thing really is to become more self-aware. Which words are you using and how are you thinking about yourself. Recordings (voice and or video) can tell you a lot about yourself; if you add video to it, it will give you valuable insights about your non-verbal communication.
  2. Eliminate negative words and thoughts from you daily vocabulary and replace them with positive affirmations. You could even write some of these on little flash cards and have them handy for whenever you need them so that after a while they become part of your vocabulary.
  3. Stop spreading negative stories; ignore them and spread only the positive ones instead.
  4. Voice your thoughts around what you are wishing for in life (in a positive way) and repeat these words to yourself.

Have an excellent weekend and thanks for reading! As always, don’t hesitate to reach out to me should you wish some advice or coaching.

Jenny