Category: Personal Development

Leading yourself

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Jenny Ebermann Self-Leadership Services

… is not easy! In fact it is a major challenge and hurdle to many people. It starts by one simple thing: how many of you are able to look at yourselves in the mirror and give yourselves a virtual hug? It might seem simple but many of us did not grow up to like ourselves… there was always something missing or something not good enough.

In fact, we are our worst enemies as we continuously judge ourselves not seeing the little progresses we make but instead being stuck on all the things that could have been done better, different, more adequately….these things then keep coming back to our thoughts, moving along and influencing everything we do.

So here’s what to do:

  • First of all, start by seeing all the little positive things in your lives. Being present, moment by moment will help you.
  • Start writing down some objectives for yourself, these should be SMART (specific, measurable, attainable, realistic and timely) and could be linked to any aspect of your life (professional, private, yourself…)
  • Write action plans for every single objective, identifying all little steps towards the attainment of your goal/objective (I am happy to share a template with you would like to see one)
  • Check-in with yourself at a regular basis and write down all the things that you did well and achieved in line with your action plan. I am sure that there are many; your brain needs to see that!
  • Stop judging yourself at a continuous basis, rather begin seeing the hurdles and “failures” as opportunities to grow.
  • Try smiling at yourself and liking yourself (if you don’t already do so) every day a little bit more. You deserve all your attention! and finally, remember:
  • We are all “imperfect” and that’s what makes us human!

Thanks for reading and have a wonderful rest of the week! Jenny

Having one of these days?

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Heart MeditationWhile working and feeling a bit overwhelmed today with all sorts of things happening and different emotions passing by at the same time, suddenly a mail popped up in my inbox. I get quite a lot of newsletters and blog entries on a daily basis, hence am not reading them directly normally. This one though, caught my attention as the first line that I saw read the following:

“Recognize that you are feeling disturbed, overwhelmed, depressed or some other depleting or negative emotion”.

I thought, oh, yes, ok… I acknowledge that I am feeling kind of disturbed today, maybe I should do something against that and simply send some kindness to myself instead of judging and ruminating.

So I continued reading the newsletter and immediately felt better after some moments of stillness. As we all have our good and less good days, I wanted to share this little exercise with all of you. It is called “Soft Heart Tool” and comes from heartmath.org. Hopefully it will help you too!

  1. Recognize that you are feeling disturbed, overwhelmed, depressed or some other depleting or negative emotion.
  2. Acknowledge that it is not these or other emotions that cause you to feel drained or out of sorts as much as it is the significance you give them.
  3. Find your Soft Heart attitude by intentionally feeling love, care or appreciation for a person, pet or something you truly care about. This helps take you to a soft place in your heart and increases your ability to feel care and compassion for yourself.
  4. Soak and relax any unwanted feelings in the compassion of your heart, letting the significance dissolve a little at a time. Take your time.

Jenny

 

 

The art of connecting to your audiences

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self-leadership

Last week, I gave you some theory and hints from speech and communication studies, that would help you navigate through the process of preparing what you will say when preparing a presentation; as promised, this week, I will introduce you to a mindful way to present and speak.

Let me begin with a quote from Artur Schnabel, an Austrian classical pianist 1882-1952:

“The notes I handle no better than many pianists. But the pauses between the notes–ah, that is where the art resides!”

Did you know that in the act of presenting, speaking publicly, teaching etc., there is significantly more occurring than the presentation and/or exchange of conceptual information? Behind and alongside the conceptual information we give out, a large body of non-verbal and paraverbal (tone of voice, how we say things) information is being exchanged.

Many of these processes are happening unconsciously, meaning that people involved don’t immediately notice that they are affected.

Example: You certainly know the feeling when you meet somebody for the first time and you somehow sense that you are not feeling comfortable.

Scientifically we would speak of:

Emotional Contagion:

Unconsciously mimicking the facial expressions, vocal expressions, postures, and instrumental behaviors of those around us, and thereby “catching” others’ emotions as a consequence of such facial, vocal, and postural mimicking.

And

Mirror Neurons:

A small circuit of cells in the premotor cortex and inferior parietal cortex which are activated both when we perform a certain action and when we observe someone else performing that same action. In other words, they collapse the distinction between seeing and doing.

Examples: You are watching a race, and you feel your own heart racing with excitement as the runners vie to cross the finish line first. Or you see a woman sniff some unfamiliar food and wrinkle her nose in disgust. Suddenly, your own stomach turns at the thought of the meal.

Thus: if you can manage to facilitate a field of belonging for your audience by connecting to them, you bring out the best in them and the best in yourself!

The trick is to learn to be with a group of any size one person at a time by connecting to your listener, allowing yourself to pause between sentences, breathe between thoughts and come to a full stop after big ideas.

You are in fact not screening your audience from left to right etc. as many people do but focusing on one person you feel is receptive to you, only some moments, and then move on to the next etc. Your audience will feel engaged and touched by what you have to say as you engage with them PERSONALLY.

Does this sound interesting and intriguing to you? Contact me to find out more and start to connect with your audiences in a mindful way TODAY!

Enjoy your summer (at least in this hemisphere) and hopefully some time off!

Jenny

For a good start into the weekend!

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Mountain

 

“A human being … experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings, as something separate from the rest–a kind of optical illusion of consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening the circle of understanding and compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty.” – Albert Einstein

 

Reality versus Perception: Our Brain at Work

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Map

Lately I came across a very nice quote referring to the differences that exist between beliefs and reality:

“The map is not the territory” from Alfred Korzybski

This quote illustrates very nicely that your reality (what you believe is true and objective, thus your ‘world’), is nothing else than an inner representation of the external realities and the world that you are observing and living in. Your perceptions create the “map of the world”. This map helps you navigate in the “real world”, through daily experiences and impressions. Like a road map it gives you landmarks for moving forward towards your destination and various codes and rules let you interpret and understand what is happening, what you can do and what you cannot.

Thus, there is “your” reality (the map) and the outside world (the territory) and there will always be differences between the two. Our human brain notices what is happening around us (in the territory) through our senses and then proceeds to filtering the received information in order to be able to use them and not to create an ‘overflow’ of stimuli.

Let me give you an example: Imagine your manager comes in and sees you sitting at your desk which is overflowing with paper and other things. He or she simply says: “You have a full desk”. Depending on your background, education, culture, previous experiences etc. you might be thinking: “Oh, he/she said that I am not organized”; or you might think something like “Oh, he/she notices that I have a lot on my plate” or anything in between. There are many different ways of interpreting what has been said and whatever you might have understood will trigger your reactions and your thoughts after that. Somebody observing the scene on the other hand, might interpret something completely different as he/she would have a very different view on the world. So, what is “real” and what not?

As you can see, there is only one situation happened: one territory. The possible representation hereof (the maps) however, i.e. how people perceive this situation can have many different facets and aspects.

Next time you find yourself in a difficult situation, you might want to think about what “really” happened (the facts) and what your interpretation, your judgment and your subjective view of the event was. You might even want to seek clarification from the person involved in the action clearly asking what was meant (if at all possible). The important thing to remember here is that you choose how you react and if at all… opening up to what really happened and what you saw, heard, felt, might help you change your behavior over time, which will in turn change the way others react upon you.

Thanks for reading! Jenny

Leading yourself – your inner child

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self-leadership

Did you know that whatever age you might have, there always is an inner child in you, in need of appreciation, affection, warmth and security? Every age that you have lived through is still in you: in your consciousness, unconsciousness, your cells…

It might therefore well be that suddenly you react in a certain way which might feel awkward in a given situation and which is not like the ‘you’ that you normally are when being around people.

A couple of weeks ago, I found myself in such a situation, where I suddenly felt very uncomfortable, starting with tingling in the stomach, not being able to concentrate anymore…. In order to get rid of that feeling, I thought I needed to do something, i.e. speak up and let the other people know that something was not alright. In the end, it made it worse as I was not able to voice my discomfort in a neutral and objective way (which I normally can do quite well); my counterpart reacted defensive and nobody was feeling any better.

Reflecting about this situation at a later stage, I identified that this deep discomfort was actually something that I carried around with me since quite some time, popping up at one moment or the other. I then decided to look inside and make ‘contact’ with the part of me that felt afraid and unwell asking what I could do to make it feel better. For me, meditation and self-reflection works best for becoming more self-aware and finding ways out of the ‘tunnel’; for you it might be some other technique. It could also be helpful to write down a question with your strong hand and then draw or write the answer with your other, more creative hand. You could be surprised at what comes out!

Being able to lead yourself in a way that allows for compassion, empathy and a feeling of comfort is the first step towards leading others. If you are not happy with who you are and what you are, not being able to rest within yourself and being kind, how do you want to lead others in an emotionally intelligent way?

Words are Windows or They’re Walls

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Window and Wall

I feel so sentenced by your words, I feel so judged and sent away, Before I go I’ve got to know,
Is that what you mean to say?

Before I rise to my defense, Before I speak in hurt or fear, Before I build that wall of words, Tell me, did I really hear?

Words are windows, or they’re walls, They sentence us, or set us free. When I speak and when I hear,
Let the love light shine through me.

There are things I need to say, Things that mean so much to me, If my words don’t make me clear, Will you help me to be free?

If I seemed to put you down,
If you felt I didn’t care,
Try to listen through my words, To the feelings that we share.

 

By Ruth Bebermeyer taken from Marshall Rosenberg’s book: Nonviolent Communication, 2nd Edition, page 20.

Mindfulness, Connection and Sustainable Change

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Busy London streetI just came back from busy London where I had the pleasure of following a really interesting mindfulness workshop hosted by Initiatives of Change UK with Rohan Narse, Geoff McDonald, Global VP HR, Marketing & Communications, Sustainability at Unilever and Graham Watts, Global Director of Education & Training at the Hawn Foundation.

I must say that in the UK they really are already at the forefront of dealing with uncertainty, ambiguity, pressure etc. not only in the business world but also in education. Addressing strategies to become aware of what is happening within oneself as well as being able to effectively deal with emotions, anger, stress is truly not a soft factor anymore. On the contrary, it more and more becomes a ‘hard skill’ that one has to learn in order to ‘survive’ in our global environment.

The earlier these competences are learned, the better, as they will become part of a person’s life and routine. Mindfulness applied to various aspects of life as one of the techniques that can be used, in particular coupled with meditation (or call it quiet-time, stillness) not only sharpens the mind and is a must for focus and creativity; no! It also strengthens the immune system, enables you to deal differently with life’s up’s and down’s and most importantly: enables you to live every single moment fully, enjoying the sun on your skin and the smell of flowers in the air. You really feel alive and begin to ‘be’ instead of running and rushing through your life.

Today I want to invite you to find some quiet time for yourself; close your eyes and focus your attention on your breath. Simply be and look inside yourself. You will be surprised at what you will find!

Jenny

Have you ever tried out Coaching or Counselling services?

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I have! Long before I became a professional coach myself and when I was still living in Canada, I had the pleasure of closely working with an excellent coach, who helped me quite a lot on my professional path, navigating the stormy waters of life in an international organization. Jenny Ebermann | Coaching

As a matter of fact, I decided to become a coach myself back in 2007 as I had been constantly training and mentoring people in global settings across the globe. Then living in Zurich, I began looking out for an adequate and professional school as already back then many people called themselves ‘coach’ without really having followed a thorough education (even without having ever coached anybody)!).

Two years, many coachings, supervisions, sessions and a dissertation plus Swiss level exam later, I finally had my credentials in hand. Naturally, being myself and international chameleon and speaking/writing many languages, my specialty became coaching/counselling in intercultural and global settings. Expatriates, foreigners living in or planning to move to a certain country, professionals working in an international environment and their spouses have since then been a main focus of interest.

In addition, practicing mindfulness, and related techniques since many years, I am bringing this knowledge into my day-to-day work. It really is amazing how self-awareness, openness and non-judgment enable you to deal with differences in a very effective way. Especially, as uncertainty is a more or less persistent companion nowadays, leading to stress and ambiguity, mindfulness techniques brought into coaching and linked to dealing with intercultural issues and situations of difference are a powerful tool that everybody can learn.

If you are:

  • Dealing with a challenging situation in your career or at home
  • Settling into a new environment, be it a different culture or other
  • Working in an international environment
  • Planning to move abroad or to another region soon
  • Dealing with uncertainty, stress, ambiguity
  • Looking for help and guidance on your way forward
  • Looking for personal growth and development
  • …

Coaching/Counselling can support you on your journey. You are not alone and nobody knows better than yourself how you are feeling and which way to go. You might simply need some clarity in your thoughts and insights as well as a fresh look at your issues. Everybody can grow and you might learn things about yourself that you would not have expected. Coaching really is for everybody and the various tools and resources can have incredible results. Be it face-to-face or online, you are the architect of your own life!

Register today and get 50% off your first 1 hour trial coaching session (online or face-to-face if you live in the French-speaking part of Switzerland)! Prices usually start at 150 CHF/hour and can be adapted if you are a student, unemployed, with an NGO or still in training and the offer is valid until the 11th of May 2014. Once registered you will receive all details by email and will then be able to decide if you want to take advantage of the offer or not (the offer is valid for the first 20 subscribers).

 

Looking forward to hearing from you!

Jenny

 

Coaching/Counselling in Switzerland

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Contact | EbermannBeing new in a foreign country is not only an exciting experience but also somewhat disconcerting and definitely a challenge. Coaching/Counselling can help you overcome uncertainties and settling in more easily.

Please click here to find out more! Looking forward to hearing from you!

Jenny