Jenny Ebermann (bxljenny) – Page 2

Body Language – Keys to Non-verbal communication

Posted on January 25, 2016 by Jenny Ebermann (bxljenny)

You all know this: very often when speaking to other people, we only pay attention to the verbal clues that are given to us but not to the non-verbal ones. Very bad habit! I am sure you will be surprised but as already discussed in an earlier post, the verbal aspect in communications only accounts for 7 % (hence the content of what you are saying) when it comes to the relevance in terms of understanding information, thus to effectively communicating.

38 % on the other hand come from the paraverbal aspect of communication (intonation, cadence, volume or pace) and
55 % from the non-verbal aspects.

So when meeting somebody for the first time or when in a situation of negotiation, take a moment to see how confident your counterpart is.

Typical things to look for in confident people include:

Posture – standing tall with shoulders back.
Eye contact – solid with a “smiling” face.
Gestures with hands and arms – purposeful and deliberate.
Speech – slow and clear.
Tone of voice – moderate to low.

But be careful! As well as deciphering other people’s body language, you could also use this knowledge to convey feelings that you’re not actually experiencing…

Difficult meetings and defensiveness

Some of the common signs that the person you are speaking with may be feeling defensive include:

Hand/arm gestures are small and close to his or her body.
Facial expressions are minimal.
Body is physically turned away from you.
Arms are crossed in front of body.
Eyes maintain little contact, or are downcast.

By picking up these signs, you can change what you say or how you say it to help the other person become more at ease, and more receptive to what you are saying.

Working with groups and disengagement

Some of the typical signs and signals of people not being engaged. Some of these signs and signals include:

Heads are down.
Eyes are glazed, or gazing at something else.
Hands may be picking at clothes, or fiddling with pens.
People may be writing or doodling.
They may be sitting slumped in their chairs.

And finally, a tip:

To help practice and further develop your skill in picking up body language, engage in people watching. Observe people – be that on a bus/train or on television without the sound – and just notice how they act and react to each other. When you watch others, try to guess what they are saying or get a sense of what is going on between them!

Tips for effectively communicating within your team

Posted on January 8, 2016 by Jenny Ebermann (bxljenny)

Here’s wishing you an excellent start into 2016! May the New Year bring health and success in your personal and professional endeavors.

To start off effectively, let me remind you of some important things when communicating within your team:

A. Create a nice atmosphere for your discussion

Give yourself the necessary time and don’t be in a hurry
Offer your fullest attention to your counterpart
Be open and without judgment

B. Separate the factual from the relationship level

You can criticize how a person has reacted or behaves but for the person himself/herself you always ought to have respect
Accept differences in opinions and views as well as in the way to tackle projects and tasks and remain open and constructive. We are all different and solutions, i.e. “bridges” for collaboration can always be found
Don’t take issues personally

C. Use authentic statements and messages beginning with “I”

First, observe what is actually happening in a situation: what are you observing others saying or doing that is either enriching or not enriching your life? The trick is to be able to articulate this observation.
Then, without introducing any judgment or evaluation simply say what people are doing that you either like or don’t like. Example: “I noticed that…” or “I am angry because…” or “I need…”
Next, state how you feel when you observe this action: are you hurt, scared, joyful, amused, irritated?
And finally, communicate clearly what you need in connection to the feelings you have identified

Communication: The Heart of Interpersonal Relationships

Posted on November 21, 2015 by Jenny Ebermann (bxljenny)

At the heart of an interpersonal relationship lies the communication between individuals, be it at work or elsewhere.

Did you know that mindfulness can help us to become more directly aware of our own personal and immediate experience whilst communicating with somebody else? This is in fact an essential step before we can fully open to another and communicate effectively. The awareness of what happens within ourselves supports our ability to turn towards and be with whatever arises in this shared experience: in a mindful manner.

The intention here is not resolution or relief but knowledge of what the present moment experience is like. And even if the experience is difficult, you can actually learn to be with it in many creative ways.

The important thing is:

Making a genuine connection with the other person
Meeting the other person as a fellow human being, where both agree to an exploration; not knowing where the journey is going but remaining open to the direct experience you are having together at this present moment
Not trying to “fix” anything but instead empowering each other to find own insights

Mindful communication can be learned but definitely needs to be practiced!

Mindfulness for Athletes

Posted on October 30, 2015 by Jenny Ebermann (bxljenny)

You spend hours training your body, now train your mind to prepare and be ready for competition!

Mindfulness can not only enhance athletic, academic, or work performance; it also has a profound impact on stress resistance, resilience, emotional balance, team work, mental habits to only name a few. How does this happen? With guidance and practice you learn how to let go of disrupting thoughts to be able to increase your focus and physical awareness on what is really present for you at that very moment. You become very self aware in terms of what is going on in your body and mind and to respond rather than react to stressors, difficult situations, triggers etc.

There are a multitude of examples where mindfulness has significantly improved athletic results as well as peak performance or even team cohesion and team performance.

The same skills practiced in your mindfulness training will then enhance your training and help you deal with injuries and other challenges, giving yourself a competitive edge. Additionally, the competences that you will have gained will also significantly impact your attitude and behaviour so that you can benefit from them in the classroom as well as in life off the court, field or track.

Susan Salzbrenner, author of “Play Abroad 101 – Your ultimate guide to success as an athlete abroad” has interviewed me in her podcast about mindfulness for athletes and its benefits. Click here to read more and listen in!

Looking forward to your reactions! I accompany athletes, adults and children through individual coaching and training geared towards their particular needs in mindfulness. I also organise retreats and group courses.

Contact me to learn more!

Leading the way: The UK and mindfulness

Posted on October 21, 2015 by Jenny Ebermann (bxljenny)

Just now, in October 2015, the Mindfulness All-Party Parliamentary Group (MAPPG) in the UK published a ground-breaking report, entitled “Mindful Nation UK”. In it, it states that: “Our long-term vision is of the UK as a group of mindful nations, an international pioneer of a National Mental Health Service which has, at its heart, a deep understanding of how best to support human flourishing and thereby the prosperity of the country. “ For this to happen, the report recommends governmental action in four particular sectors:

Health
Education
Workplace
Criminal Justice System

Having been in the Netherlands recently, I see the same trend forward; schools are training teachers in mindfulness as well as their pupils, trainers and consultants are proposing courses, workshops and interventions. I truly have never seen so many people familiar with and active in mindfulness.

I will definitely bring these great thoughts and projects back to French speaking Switzerland, where I currently live, to try and raise awareness and openness towards new and innovative methods that have proven their worth. Mindful Communication, Mindful Leadership and regular mindfulness courses for adults, teachers and children is what I have to offer. Contact me to learn more!

Jenny

I wonder

Posted on October 8, 2015 by Jenny Ebermann (bxljenny)

Teaching my mindfulness class, I came across this poem by Derek Tasker… it touched me, so I thought, I’d share it with you too!

I wonder what would happen if

I treated everyone like I was in love

with them, whether I like them or not

and whether they respond or not and no matter

what they say or do to me and even if I see

things in them which are ugly twisted petty

cruel, vain, deceitful, indifferent, just accept

all that and turn my attention to some small

weak, tender, hidden part and keep my eyes on

that until it shines like a beam of light

like a bonfire I can warm my hands by and trust

it to burn away all the waste which is not

never was my business to meddle with.

Assertiveness: Being an Effective Communicator

Posted on September 28, 2015 by Jenny Ebermann (bxljenny)

Effective Communication is all about assertiveness – rather than aggressiveness or submission

The first step towards becoming an effective communicator is practicing assertiveness, thus knowing how you are actually feeling. Did you know that your feelings are simply that: your feelings and nothing more? Their are neither good nor bad, nor anything else! These are just judgements that others – or even yourself – impose onto your feelings.

Photo credit: Wesley Fryer / Foter / CC BY-SA

Once you are aware of what you are feeling and you don’t get caught up in any judgements about them, you can begin exploring ways to deal with the situation. Assertiveness involves clear, calm thinking and respectful negotiation, where each person is entitled to their opinion. Simply say how you are feeling or seeing things by making “I statements” rather than “you” statements. There is a huge difference between saying: “you are always pushing me too hard” versus “I feel very tired because…”. The first sentence prompts your discussion partner to feel threatened, under attack, maybe even having more power than you. The second sentence simply says how you are feeling in response to something. This leaves the other person room to hear what you are saying without feeling blamed or under attack.

The most important part of effective communication is to be mindful of your own feelings, speech, thoughts as well as of the whole situation. If you are consciously cultivating this approach, you will be able to better resolve potential conflicts and greater harmony will slip itself into your discussions!

Patience

Posted on September 21, 2015 by Jenny Ebermann (bxljenny)

Patience is an ever present alternative to the mind’s endemic restlessness and impatience. Scratch the surface of impatience and what you will find lying beneath it, subtly or not so subtly, is anger. It’s the strong energy of not wanting things to be the way they are and blaming someone (often yourself) or something for it. This doesn’t mean you can’t hurry when you have to. It is possible even to hurry patiently, mindfully, moving fast because you have chosen to.

Jon Kabat-Zinn: “Wherever you go there you are” found here

Teaching Mindfulness

Posted on September 3, 2015 by Jenny Ebermann (bxljenny)

… is like guiding people in a very humble way for a short while on their very personal journey.

Having been accepted on the teacher training pathway of the Center for Mindfulness Research and Practice at Bangor University in the UK, I have now led my first face-2-face session within an 8-weeks course that I am teaching. I feel grateful and at the same time very moved about the openness and trust that the participants are showing me. Through teaching, I also deepen my own practice which of course brings me even more insights and personal growth. I am happy that I have chosen this path a couple of years ago as I feel very much centered, creative and alive!

In fact, a central aspect around mindfulness is to learn how to be more fully aware and present in each moment of life. This makes it more interesting, vivid and fulfilling. On the other hand, it also means facing what is present even when it is unpleasant or difficult.

I can now also appreciate fully, why one cannot simply read a book about mindfulness in order to teach it and why one need to practice a long time before actually being able to introduce a mindful approach into communications and leadership as well as broader diversity topics.

Let me close with a poem that I found on this wonderful site which I hope will get to you as much as it does to me:

Walk Slowly (Danna Faulds)

It only takes a reminder to breathe,
a moment to be still, and just like that,
something in me settles, softens, makes
space for imperfection. The harsh voice
of judgment drops to a whisper and I
remember again that life isn’t a relay
race; that we will all cross the finish
line; that waking up to life is what we
were born for. As many times as I
forget, catch myself charging forward
without even knowing where I’m going,
that many times I can make the choice
to stop, to breathe, and be, and walk
slowly into the mystery.

Are you an effective communicator?

Posted on August 23, 2015 by Jenny Ebermann (bxljenny)

Are you ready to tackle the challenges of a new year on campus or to sit at your office desk again?

Can you imagine that August is already nearly over? I don’t know about you but for me it feels like time is flying faster year after year….

For many of us, it now means back to work, to school, to university.

In order to start off in a good way, I thought it would be helpful to re-iterate some important facts about interpersonal communications and what you can do to avoid misinterpretation, frustration and problems right from the start.

Daniel Goleman just shared a very good article on this very topic on Linkedin; He says that there are “(…)various ways to impede useful dialogue(…)”, namely “passivity”, “discounting”, “redefining”, “over-detailing” and the so-called “four sentence rule” (a person can only maintain full attention for four sentences).

Of course there are many more factors that can pose barriers to effective communications, such as: differences in assumptions or points of view, misunderstanding of language, cultural differences and emotions.

What you can do about this is no secret but keeps being underestimated, especially as we usually don’t think about the non-verbal component, which plays such a crucial role for ensuring that a message is understood in the right way and a real dialogue can take place.

6 simple tips:

Communicate in a clear and simple manner: do not spend time and effort to outline every little detail of your thought. Stick to the important parts of the message!
Communicate using body language to stress what you are actually saying and keep in mind that some cultures might interpret non verbal cues in a different way.
Laugh about yourself: laughing is very healthy and helps putting everything into the right perspective!
Listen attentively and with empathy, not only to the words but also to your own body (your feeling): what is it telling you about the message, what remains hidden behind the words? Capture the key points of what is said and respond to these. Focus on the person you are listing to and not on what you would have to say about this topic. Other people might have an interesting opinion as well, so it is definitely worth listening.
Be open and prepared for negative and positive feedback to what you are saying/the message you are conveying. Constructive feedback is your best bet; it will help you become even more efficient and productive.
Know why you are communicating and what you want to achieve. Before initiating any communication, ask yourself, “What am I trying to accomplish?” If somebody else is initiating the conversation, ask yourself: “Why is this conversation taking place?” If the answer isn’t obvious, guide the dialogue to the “why” of it!

Well, I guess now you’re all set up for a fresh start, enjoy and looking forward to hearing from you again!

Jenny